Firstly I do apologise for my potty mouth, but I feel it’s important to just be myself so be warned, the likelihood of my blogs being littered with profanities is quite high!
Well you may ask what is a fuckitoastie? Well during a recent chat on a WhatsApp with a group of all my oldest and loveliest friends, one of us shared that she was having a really shit day. She was struggling with homeschooling, feeling hormonal as well as trying to count the calories. In floods of tears she declared there was nothing for it but to close school and go and make herself a full fat cheese toasty! We all applauded her ‘fuck it’ approach to the situation and then one by one the rest of us started salivating over the thought of what we would have on our perfect toastie, fuelling our lust for them even further and sending us all fleeing to our fridges!
(I have some other friends that we like to celebrate the end of a difficult week with by announcing it as ‘Fuck it Friday’! See you can apply it to just about anything!).
So anyway the next day my friend was worried that she had lowered the mood of the group by sharing, but had found that our messages had really helped her through a tough day. She had woken up a new person and was doing a nice fun project with her daughter about something they both enjoyed. So the reason why I’ve started with this story is that this demonstrates perfectly the power of sharing, even if you think it’s just something trivial that you don’t want to bother anyone with. I bet you my friend would not have started the next day in such a positive mood had she kept quiet about what was on her mind. There is also something really uplifting about helping others out too and getting them through a tough situation. Over the last few years attending various wellbeing courses, I have met some incredible people who have been though similar issues as myself and it is some of the conversations I have had with them that have helped me more than the courses have.
The friends I have now, I have the same conversations with them that I would have with a therapist! We have each others backs. We have conversations about the things that truly matter to us, without holding back. I think we form our deepest connections only when we expose our vulnerabilities. I think it’s so important, now more than ever, that we surround ourselves with people that we can be completely open with in order to feel that closeness and support.
I don’t know how you are all coping with homeschooling? I like the drawing I used to accompany this blog! Having ADHD I feel like that drawing most days! Pre Covid I had actually got myself for the first time, in a very long time, pretty well organised at home, knowing that I wanted to launch this blog. Now with all this homeschooling malarkey I am officially back to living in total chaos. As my 10 year old son Alfie has ADHD also, it can be pretty full on to say the least, so much so that I have reverted back to having overwhelmed Mum syndrome (it does exist – surely!). I definitely get the feeling sometimes that people judge me and think I’m just lazy. Surely having just the one child and not working must be an absolute doddle? I should have the cleanest, tidiest house and have loads of time on my hands. The reality is so different. Even just typing this now as I look around the table I have notes scrawled on loads of different bits of paper all over the place. I do take medication which does help but that’s if I even remember to take it! I’m constantly flitting around starting but never finishing chores, and when Alfie is not bouncing off the walls, he’s screaming like a banshee on that bloody Fortnite game (don’t get me started on that!). We have been doing homeschooling but it’s on my timetable which is very flexible and if I need to take an inset day then so be it!
Just watch out for the dreaded ‘Smothers’ (my word for smug mothers!) out there who just cannot keep their perfect parenting skills to themselves! They can’t wait to broadcast on social media the news that their perfect children are wanting some extra homeschooling on top of the homeschooling they already have! You will then see equally nauseating posts from fellow Smothers! Ugh! New Mums also beware of the Smothers! There are lots out there wanting to tell you that their babies have held their head up unsupported at 2 weeks old and are sleeping 13 hours straight each night in their own room. They will also piss you off by breastfeeding easily, anytime, anywhere whilst still looking good and will take joy in telling you they have managed to fit in some baking too! Avoid them at all costs my fellow warriors!
During these uncertain and stressful times, I cannot emphasise how important self-care is. I think it’s important also to know exactly what that means to you. For some it might be having some quiet time to read a book, for others it might be delegating your little one’s bedtime routine so you can catch up on some sleep or even just vocalising what it is that you need. This is something I really need to work on. I’ve kept so much to myself over the years that I still really struggle with this. I want to say something but the words just won’t come out. Sometimes it seems easier to do things yourself but I think we need to really try to ask for help when we need it whatever it is, even if it’s just a hug. Asking our children to help us with chores is as good for them as it is for us. They need to see when we are exhausted or not feeling great that it’s a kind thing to do. Then they get to feel how nice it is to do something nice for someone (unless they’re a teenager perhaps in which case that may not be the reaction!).
Anyway i’d love to hear how you are all managing. I hope you are all safe and well and just remember if you’re struggling you’re not alone. You are doing the best you can and above all else be kind to yourself. If you haven’t seen it yet, have a look at the beautiful pandemic poem by Tom Roberts called The Great Realisation that’s been all over social media. It’s a wonderful, uplifting video to watch with your family that has a really powerful message of hope.
I’ll be putting lots of info up shortly in the Support section of the website with contact details of where you can get help. My email address is there if you would like to contact me directly. Links to my social media are on my Home page. Let me know if there’s anything in particular you would like me talk about in upcoming blogs.
Lots of love